Ever wonder why Brandon keeps me around? I obviously am not of the intellect level he is used to. I'm certainly not into the same things he is or have the same sense of humor. In fact, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't crack a smile at anything I write. I'm messy, he's OCD about being neat. He is cerebral and logical and I'm pretty much an asshole and a basket case. I enjoy my foods mixing and he uses a separate plate for each food he eats. I enjoy fluffy pillows that swallow my entire head, and he pretty much just sleeps on a pillow case. CASE...not pillow.
I figured out why he keeps me around. Cheap labor. At any given time during the week, he is doing some sort of nerdy project that requires wires to be ran, flashlights held, wire cutters to be grabbed. He typically asks me for "help". That help usually requires me to stand and hold something, push something, wind something, or just stand there in case something catches on fire.
I'm like a mule. Hauling shit around for him, holding stuff steady, etc. I'm the gopher...I go for wire cutters, wire mold, flashlights, tie straps, coffee, his phone, more coffee.
That mother fucker married me to be his lackey. And I'm the dumb mother fucker who allows it.
I remember being 9 months pregnant with Sydney and him having me gut computers and switch stuff around and reinstalling windows 98. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, only that he asked me to do it. I also remember helping him make cables for his CCIE lab....literally making cables. Today, 12 years later, I can be sitting there doing whatever it is that I do (I still don't know what it is that I do) and he will say, "Hey, wanna help me for a minute?" ...and just that quick, I say yes like a hooker with a $20 bill being waved in front of her. I knew I was easy, but damn, I didn't know I was that easy.
I guess that's the secret to being married to a nerd. You ladies think big boobs and short skirts will turn a smart, nerdy guy on? No..it's the ability to hold a flashlight, run cables, hold steady while he screws (um...I mean hold the shelf steady while he puts the screw in, lol), or knowing when he is frustrated enough to call a time out for coffee.
So, that's what I am. A load bearing wife.
No comments:
Post a Comment